Thursday, 28 July 2011

Goals: Unattained and yet to come...

Here I sit on the eve of my 28th year. I feel as though I haven't accomplished much in my time here on this earth. I mean seriously in 28 years (a pretty long time in my books) I have accomplished relatively nothing.

When I was eighteen and about to embark on the real world  I sat down and wrote out a "prophecy" of the things I would accomplish by the time I was 25. I would graduate from journalism school and have a fantastic job with a magazine. I would be married to the man of my dreams. I would have published a book. I would be a home owner with no student debt. I would have a big dog and at least a baby on the way if not one in the crib.

They say hindsight is 20/20.

Believe them they're right.

My "prophecy" wasn't wrong. I knew where I was going. I just hadn't planned my route or stopped to ask anyone for directions. I also had no clue how much work it would take or that these goals, when presented to the real world, conflict or change.

So here I am at 28. Three years past my goal. Wondering what I've accomplished.

 I finished journalism school, check? But then I decided that I wasn't competitive enough for that industry. People look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them this because I am now a chef. It sounds much more competitive but honestly isn't. I like making people happy and food makes people happy. My goal for a fantastic magazine job became a fantastic restaurant management job. I still haven't got there despite working my ass off and fighting for every opportunity.

I married the man of my dreams, check. He's perfect for me. The yang to my yin. Where I am calm and laid back he is excitable and energetic. We balance each other.

Student Debt? It's not technically mine. I married a man with a lot.

Dog? Nope, I have cats.

Baby? Well, no. After nearly two years of trying it hasn't happened yet, but we'll get into that in another post when I feel like having a good cry.

Homeowner? No. Rent in Ottawa + student debt = crap mortgage potential.

Published? No, but its a goal I have a plan for now. It probably won't happen for a few more years.

On the scale of my "master plan" I haven't accomplished much.  For the past few months....okay maybe it's been a year, I've felt like crap about my accomplishments and how my life turned out so far and I've finally had enough.

Now I hear you, this is getting more than a little depressing. What's the point? Do I want this blog to be a personal pity party? No.

On the eve of my 28th birthday I am vowing to savour the things happy and little that come into my life when they do. I will not fall into depression as my family history tells me I should. I want to be clear, I won't ignore the disappointments and sad moments. Without those how would I know what happiness is? But I will open my eyes and focus on the joys, however big or small. The smell of fresh brewed coffee. A great sunset. The feel of a fresh breeze on a summer day. The sound of children laughing. The mouth-feel of a perfectly prepared steak.

Today, I went to renew the licence plates for my car, which is never fun standing in line or waiting for a number, dealing with a usually grumpy government employee. But it wasn't so bad. On my way in a little boy, he was probably only 8 or 9 stopped to hold the door for me. It made my day! I thanked him and expressed to his father what a nice kid he had. I feel as though I should also spread a little happy around when I can.

"Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it". ~Fyodor Dostoevsky